開學篇 (第一篇: 課外活動篇) Back to School, Part One, Extracurricular Activities

I can't believe the summer is almost over. It's time to think about the kids going back to school. Back-to-School means that my life will be "back to normal" and becomes more structured, dictated by my kids' after-school schedules. Now that the kids are older, they have a clear sense of what they like and what they don't like, so they choose the after-school activities that they want to participate in. My 10 year-old daughter will continue with her dance classes and Girl Scout. She had bridged over to be a Girl Scout Cadette in June. My 8 year-old son will do AYSO soccer (www.ayso.org) this fall and Little League Baseball in the spring. He will also do Cub Scouting. He will be a Bear Cub Scout this year. With both kids in Scouting, we will be selling lots of Boy Scout popcorn and Girl Scout cookies this upcoming school year.

I am making both kids do violin. I let them choose between piano or violin and they both chose violin. I think they chose violin because they perceived that playing violin is EASIER than playing piano. Neither of my kids have inherited the musical discipline (or talent) from their father, so they will never achieve the kind of success that many Asian kids have exhibited in music performance. But I want my kids to be exposed to playing music, reading music, and learning about music theory. Mostly, I want them to appreciate music and musical performance. When they go to a concert, whether pop or classic, they will realize how hard those musicians have to work to get to where they are today. Unfortunately for me, getting them to practice violin is like pulling teeth, so they'll likely end their violin career the day I don't feel like nagging them about practicing their violins.

時間也過得真快,八月中,快開學了。 開學後,我的生活也就能變得比較規律,可是會更忙碌。 我覺得除了要開車載小孩上下課之外,還要載小孩參加不同的課外活動行程。 當然還得弄便當及督導小孩的功課。 其實也沒什麼,有就學年齡小孩的父母都能瞭解我們現階段在做的事,也很清楚現階段該做些什麼事。

我十歲的女兒將要繼續她的舞蹈課程以及女童子軍(www.girlscouts.org) 的活動。 我八歲的兒子會以秋季足球(www.ayso.org)及春季少少棒(www.littleleague.org) 為主,外加男童子軍(www.scouting.org)。

為了能讓我的小孩文武雙全(可能嗎?!?!),我強迫他們一定要學一樣樂器。 他倆都選擇小提琴。 我想他們大概是認為學小提琴比學鋼琴簡單。 其實要好好學任何樂器都很難。 除了要有興趣之外,還要有恆心、毅力、及耐心。 我的小孩是比不上在美國的許多亞裔青年,各各都能夠拉或彈一手好琴。 除非我逼他們練琴,他們是不會自動自發的去練琴的。 想當年我媽也逼我練琴,逼到最後母女的感情也搞壞了,琴也越練越糟。 我覺得那時是我的心態問題,也正是青少年反抗期, 只要是我媽說的話我都會討厭。 最後我媽發現她真的是在浪費錢才在我十一年級的時候終止我的學琴生涯。 現在回想起來當然是我不對,可是我的那一段學琴經驗真的是一趟不愉快的人生旅程。 三十年後的今天,人生的輪迴,我又要來逼我的小孩學琴,感覺好像不太對。 也因為我的過去,讓我對我的小孩學琴這件事想了好久。

我的老公很會拉小提琴。 從小沒人逼他學琴。 後來是因為我公婆無法開車載他去學琴而沒能繼續學琴。 跟我差好大喔! 他的想法是要讓小孩有學琴的經驗,讓他們對音樂有基本的瞭解。 因為練過琴才能體會音樂人的才華及辛苦。 學琴的出發點有了, 下一個步驟就是要如何激發(motivate)小孩的練琴意願,少讓我用“逼”的方式強迫他們練琴。 基本上沒什麼好方法,就是我得花時間陪小孩子拉琴。 不是練琴,而是陪小孩子一起拉琴。 想當年自己練琴的辛苦,原來就是用要來培育下一代!

星媽的心聲! Being a Stage Mom!

My daughter's dance school will hold its annual dance recital at the local theater this weekend. The recital will showcase all the dance classes that this dance school teaches. This dance school is located in our school district, so it follows the schedule of the school district. Our school let out last week, so this week, the dance school holds its dance rehearsals at the theater and the real shows will begin Friday and ends Sunday. Since this dance school has 2 locations, dance students from one location will dance 2 shows on Friday and the early show on Sunday and the students from the other location will dance 2 shows on Saturday and the late show on Sunday.

My daughter will perform both Saturday shows as well as Sunday's finale show. She will perform 4 numbers -- ballet, jazz, tap, and hip hop. It's a grueling dance routine that's more stressful for the moms than the dancers.Yesterday afternoon, my daughter had her dance rehearsal for her hip hop number. Later on tonight, she'll have her rehearsal for her jazz number. Tomorrow, she will do the rehearsals for her tap and ballet numbers. That sounds simple enough, but they are doing full dress rehearsals which means they have to be in full costume and full hair and makeup.

For her hip hop number, she will wear a high pony tail, with a blue t-shirt, grey baggy sweat pants, and her Converse sneakers. For her jazz number, she still wears a high pony tail, with a spandex top, jazz pants, and jazz shoes. For her ballet number, she'll wear her hair up in a classic ballet bun with a rented costume and ballet slippers. For her tap number, she will wear her hair half up and half down, with a white t-shirt and a flowy spaghetti strap dress which goes over her t-shirt, and of course, her tap shoes. All these costume and hair changes don't sound too bad until I saw the order of the dances. Her tap dance is act 5, but her ballet is act 16, jazz is act 17, and hip hop is act 19. There is 2 acts in between my daughter's ballet and jazz numbers, and only 1 act between her jazz and hip hop numbers. This means she'll have to change right on the side of the stage between acts. Needless to say, I will have to be there to help her change in and out of the costumes and re-do her hair, if necessary. And...we would have to do this for 3 shows!

We live in Los Angeles where many auditions take place. I have heard parents ushering their kids to various auditions just so their kids will have an opportunity to get into a TV show or movie. I truly believe that it takes a special parent to be able to do this line of work--fostering a child into stardom. I don't enjoy being a stage mom because I see hours of preparation prior to a 2-minute glory. It really is a lot of work for nothing. But I believe it is an invaluable experience for kids to learn to perform in front of a large audience. Inevitably, my daughter has learned to appreciate what goes on behind each performance, whether it's dance or music. So in the end, the harrowing experience of me being a stage mom is all worth it.

我的女兒的課餘活動, 除了女童子軍之外, 就是學舞蹈和鋼琴。現在是我逼著她繼續學鋼琴,可是她對舞蹈還是存有某種程度的熱衷。這學年,她每星朝一、二、三 及五下課後都有舞蹈課。我們是在自家附近的舞蹈學院學舞。這家舞蹈學院 (http://www.pspadance.com/) 已經有二十多年的歷史,培育了無數的舞者。小女生通常是四、五歲開始習舞, 然後到了七、八歲才會自行決定要不要繼續學舞。

這幾天都在忙著準備女兒的舞蹈公演。這星期二、三、四都得到戲院排演。雖然不是整天都要待在戲院, 但是只要是輪到她的作品, 她就得在場排練。 今年我女兒有四樣舞蹈作品要演出: 芭蕾舞, 爵士舞, 踢踏舞及嘻哈舞。昨天排演完還陪她到 Target 買跳嘻哈舞用的球鞋, 也順便買了上髮髻的髮夾。等一下還得去戲院二、三個小時。今天晚上要排演爵士舞。明天還得排練踢踏舞及芭蕾舞,所以這星期真的是以舞為生。

做媽媽的我除了要開車接送女兒,我還得陪在身邊做女兒的貼身助理,幫忙她換舞蹈服裝及髮型。女兒出場的時段己經排好。先跳踢踏舞(dance #5), 再跳芭蕾舞(dance #16), 接著跳嘻哈舞(dance #19), 最後是跳爵士舞(dance #21), 所以跳完芭蕾舞就馬上要在舞台邊換嘻哈舞的衣服及髮型,然後跳完嘻哈舞就要緊接著換爵士舞的衣服及髮型。我這做 ”星媽” 的就必需守在舞台邊待命,女兒一跳完舞,就要馬上幫她換衣改裝。

這已經是我們第二次參加舞蹈學院的公演了, 所以戲院場地及排演程序我和女兒都蠻清楚的。我們住在洛杉磯, 所以常常可以接觸到演藝界表演方面的機會。說真的, 如果要我做職業星媽, 我可能就無法勝任了。這種陪在表演人的身旁, 永無止境的等候, 絕對不是我想過的生活。我很佩服好萊塢的這些星媽為小孩子所做的付出,她們可能要經歷過無數次的試鏡,才會有一次的演出機會。還好舞蹈對我的女兒來講是純粹玩票性質。其實能上舞台表演真的可以帶給一個小女孩無限的自信與自我。

兒子的小提琴演奏會! Violin Recital!

Every year in mid-June, my son's violin teacher always gets her students together and do a violin recital at the local music store where we go for violin and piano lessons. Last year, my son was in the pre-Twinkle group and this year, he will graduate from the Twinkle group and go on to Book 1 of the Suzuki Method. For those of you not familiar with violin's Suzuki method, Wikipedia has a good write up on the subject (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzuki_method). My own uncle is a Suzuki violin teacher in Taipei and I was one of his earliest students 40 years ago. My understanding of the Suzuki method was that kids have amazing auditory ability. If a young child hears a song many times, the child will remember the music. And once techniques are taught to the kids, they will be able to play the instrument and that piece of repetitive music. So with that in mind, the first piece of music that all Suzuki violin student will learn is Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. Most 4 or 5 year old kids know this song very well, so it was a matter of time that they will learn to play the song on a violin, if taught systematically.

After almost 2 1/2 years of violin lessons, my son has mastered the Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star song and will move on to learn other songs soon. Both my husband and I play the violin. I was a terrible music student and hated to practice, so it's unfathomable that I am forcing my children to take on a musical instrument. My son will practice, reluctantly, if I cajole him nicely. He has a love-hate relationship with his violin. I think at this point, he is only doing violin to please me. Because I want him to continue with violin, I enroll him in a semi-private lesson with another boy his age. Not only is it much cheaper than a private lesson, it's more like a playdate for my son. At least, he has incentive to want to go to his violin lessons--so he can play with his violin buddy after their lessons. This is the reason why his progress is so slow. Normally, violin students will graduate from the Twinkle song within 2 years of starting violin and my son took 2 1/2 years.

My husband kept telling me to put my son in a private lesson because he thinks our son has the ability to progress faster. I don't think private lessons would be as fun for him. Although playing and practicing violin is hard work, I want my son to have fun in the process. In hindsight, I wished I could have continued with my violin playing. I quit violin because we had immigrated to Canada, so naturally, I didn't have the good fortune to find another violin teacher as good as my uncle. My violin career ended at age 11. I did pick up piano at age 13, but I was not motivated and I did not like practicing. Eventually in Grade 11, my mother gave up on me and said I could quit. I was liberated!!! I vowed I would not make my kids go through what I went through!

Nowadays, I not only make my son do violin (in my daughter's case, piano), I have the good "fortune" of sitting with them during their practices. It's like re-living the practice nightmares I had when I was a teenager. Now, I have to sit through 2 practice sessions, instead of the one I used to endure when I had to practice! Funny how life goes around in circles!

學校放暑假後的第一個星期天, 兒子的小提琴老師在她教琴的音樂店 (http://www.amusemusic.com/) 舉行了一場音樂會。她邀請了她所有的學生上台表演。當然也少不了家長在台下加油。表演結束後,大家一起享受家長帶來的飲料及食物。兒子的小提琴老師是用鈴木音樂教學法 (http://www.suzukimethod.org.tw/) 教小朋友小提琴。兒子的進度很慢,最主要的原因是他跟另一位同年紀的小男孩一起學琴,而不是個別指導。二人同時分一個教學時段本來就比個別教學來得便宜。但是兩人在一起的進度相對之下就比個別指導的小朋友慢很多。不過因為兒子學琴有伴,他去學琴時也很樂意去,因為上完課後,還能跟另一位小朋友玩。我覺得學琴本來就得花錢、花時間。重點是要讓小朋友學得開心、沒有壓力。

話又說回今年的小提琴演奏會。 我們去年就曾經參加過一次,所以今年兒子就比較有經驗。我覺得在美國長大的小孩都比較不會怯場, 因為他們在學校常常有演出的機會。兒子說他會緊張, 不過他還是很樂意上台表演。問題是雖然兒子喜歡上台表演, 他不喜歡練琴。可是要上台表演, 不練琴也不行, 所以我這個做媽的就想盡辦法逼兒子多練琴。雖然兒子不願意練琴, 他到最後為了要讓我高興, 他還是會免為其難的加緊練琴。我從小也非常討厭我媽叫我練琴。當時就立志決對不逼我的小孩練琴。沒想到三十年後的今天我還是忍不住的逼兒子練琴。真的是風水輪流轉。 現在終於瞭解學琴這種東西真的是勉強不得。我相信不久的將來, 我也需要面對現實。如果小孩子對音樂沒興趣或者是也沒有玩樂器的天份,強迫小孩子繼續學琴只會破壞親子關係。我想現階段我只想要讓小孩有點音樂基礎和瞭解習琴的辛苦。這樣子,他們以後才會對音樂藝術和音樂家有相當程度的尊重。