Has it been 30 years since Princess Diana's wedding?! I remember waking up hours before school to watch Princess Diana's wedding. Of course, Princess Diana did not live to see her sons grow up. When Prince William announced his engagement to Kate Middleton this morning, I can't help but feeling happiness for him and his future bride. I will be up and early the day of their wedding so I can watch it on TV like billions of people around the world, wishing them the best to come.
I grew up with the values expressed in this short docu-drama--selflessness, frugality, and unspoken love. Even though most of my female relatives never had to work like the women depicted in the film, they were discriminated nevertheless because they are women and/or because they only gave birth to daughters. My own grandmother's name is 罔市 which in Taiwanese sounds to mean "might as well feed her". She was the 4th daughter of a wealthy Taipei merchant. She grew up with servants, but my great-grandfather's obviously wanted a male heir very badly. I am sure that plagued my grandmother and her mother all their lives.
My own mother had 2 daughters and, to this day, she feels insecure about her position in the family (or that my father would have a legitimate excuse to have an affair) because she did not have a son. My mother is in her mid-70s and went to Taiwan University. Being a truly educated and modern working woman in the 1960s and 1970s did not change the way she thinks about the pre-defined roles of men and women in Taiwan. Just to set the record straight, my father remained a faithful husband without a son.
Even after we immigrated to Canada, my mother expected my sister and I to behave a certain way. Things didn't let up after we got married. When my mother found out I was expecting a baby girl, she told me I would need to have another baby, preferably a son, so my husband (and his family) would not have an excuse to divorce me. I told her if my marriage is based on me producing a son, then I would be the one divorcing my husband.
So getting back to this docu-drama, Director Wu's short docu-drama touched me in a different way. I think he was trying to examine the value system behind the role of a woman (or a mother) in a traditional (or even modern) Taiwanese family.
I would consider my own family fairly modern. We also live in the United States, thousands of miles away from Taiwan. But our value system remains the same. Children's needs always get priority. Of course, we no longer have to share a fish, but inevitably, the best part of the fish will be given to the children and the husband. Eating the tail part of a fish becomes second nature to me.
When I was single, I would not hesitate to spend NT$50,000 on a purse or an outfit. But now, I would think twice before buying a pair of US$50 shoes. No, my financial circumstance did not change, but I changed. The frugal aspect of my upbringing kicked in when I got married and became a mom.
Sure, many would criticize that Director Wu's docu-drama only represented a small segment of the Taiwanese population, but I believe the Taiwanese mentality have permeated all aspects of Taiwanese lives across the social-economic strata for over 400 years. Even those of us who have moved away from the island for over 35 years cannot get away from that so easily.
I was born in Taiwan, but I did most of my growing up in Canada and the United States. Now that I'm married with 2 children and living in Los Angeles, I would like to share my experience of creating a Taiwanese heritage for my children as well as providing a fun and memorable childhood for them.
我是一位在台灣出生,美加長大、受教育的媽媽。婚後定居於美國洛杉磯。
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